Club lacrosse parents — we have a problem. And before you assume I’m pointing at the person next to you on the sideline, I’m pointing at all of us. Myself included.
It starts with something small. Something easy to dismiss. A parent carrying their kid’s equipment bag from the field to the car. I know — seems harmless. But here’s the thing: if your kid isn’t old enough to carry their own gear, they’re not old enough to play. Every coach is watching for it, whether you know it or not. It’s a small signal that tells them everything they need to know about the dynamic at home. And more importantly, it’s a symptom of something much bigger.
Somewhere along the way, a lot of us stopped watching our kids’ club lacrosse experience and started trying to control it. We don’t mean to. The instinct comes from a good place — we love them, we’ve invested in this, we want them to succeed. But there’s a difference between supporting your kid’s journey and hijacking it. I’ve been on both sides of that line, and I can tell you — the damage from the wrong side is real.
The Sideline Coach
If you’ve read my blog on the sideline parent personalities — and if you haven’t, go check it out — you already know that the Sideline Coach drew more reaction than any other type. And yet, without exception, at every single tournament I’ve been to, it’s also the most common parent out there. There is no cleaner example of a parent trying to control their kid’s experience than the one screaming “Shoot!” or “Wheels!” from fifteen yards off the field.
Full disclosure: that was me. For the first few years of club lacrosse, I was that parent. And I’m still embarrassed about it when I look back. What’s even harder to admit is that I still have to fight the instinct today. In the moment, screaming from the sideline feels like helping. It feels like being present, being engaged, being a good parent. The reality is it offers nothing to your kid on the field — and it often does real damage. It signals that you don’t trust them to figure it out. And it teaches them, without saying a word, that you’re watching for mistakes.
The Dad Who Cost His Son a Roster Spot
This one still bothers me to talk about — not because it happened to us, but because of how unnecessary it was.
My son was in his pre-teen years, and every summer a group of local dads — former players, current coaches — would take a group of the boys to a tournament a few hours away. It was a highlight of the season. For the kids, obviously, but honestly for the parents too. Good group of families, great competition, a chance for the boys and parents to bond away from home.
After one of the tougher games, one of the kids hadn’t seen a lot of playing time. The volunteer coaches were barely off the field when that kid’s dad made his move. Right there, in front of everyone, he unloaded on the coaches about his son’s playing time. Not a quiet conversation. Not a request to talk later. A scene.
The kid was good enough to be on that team. Everybody knew it. But that invitation never came again. Not because of anything the kid did — because of what his dad did on the sideline after a game. One moment. One parent who couldn’t let his son handle his own experience. And just like that, part of that experience was gone — permanently.
The right move, by the way? Talk to your kid about how to approach the coach on their own. Help them think through the conversation. That’s the lesson – and it’s one they’ll carry way beyond lacrosse.
The Time I Let My Ego Make the Decision
We’ve made plenty of mistakes over seven-plus years in club lacrosse. But this one is the one I think about most.
Early on — think 7, 8 years old — one of my daughters was the Alpha on her team. She’d grown up playing with her siblings, so she came in with skills. She was aggressive, athletic, and at that age, she stood out. We finished our second season strong, and in our final tournament of the year, we beat the other big club in our area convincingly. My daughter had a big game.
After the game, the opposing coach sought her out. Then he sought me out. A few weeks later, I got an invitation for a beer. There was no small talk — he wanted my daughter on his team. The girls from the other team had already been talking to her separately.
At the time, I thought we handled it well. We sat her down. Made her write out the pros and cons for both teams. Told her the decision was hers. We thought we were teaching her something. Looking back, I cringe. She was 8 years old. She didn’t have the context to know what she was leaving behind — a good team, a great group of friends, a coach who was better than we gave him credit for. And I’ll be honest: part of me was flattered. A team is recruiting my 8-year-old. My ego was in the room, and I didn’t even recognize it.
She switched teams, did fine but was no longer the Alpha. And she never quite loved the game the same way she did on that original team.
That’s on me. Not on her. She was 8. I was the adult in the room who should have seen it clearly enough to say “this is not a decision you’re ready to make.” I didn’t. And it’s one of many things in our club lacrosse journey I genuinely wish I could do over.
Your Job As A Club Lacrosse Parent Is Simpler Than You Think
We spend a lot of money on club lacrosse. A lot of time. A lot of weekends. And all of it is worth it — but only if we remember who the investment is actually for.
As parents, we can’t play for them, can’t make the team for them, can’t carry their bag, control their coach, or engineer their roster spot. What you can do — the one thing that actually helps — is be someone they can come to when it’s hard. Be the safe place after the bad game. Be the parent who lets them own it, the wins and the losses both.
This is their experience. The good parts and the hard parts. Our job is to stay out of the way long enough to let them have it.
Easy to write. A hell of a lot harder to actually do. But worth it — every time.
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Have you caught yourself trying to control the experience instead of letting your kid live it? Drop it in the comments — we’ve all been there.